As I begin to type this, I realize this will probably be a multiple blogs blog. The past couple of years have brought loss, love, hardships, inner work, and more love. I took a step back from things to deal with it all. It was a slow crawl to be where I am now. All the conflict resolutions skills and mediator advice I give others, I needed to take for myself. I needed to reconnect with myself, dig deep, digest what I found, and take action. The first step is recognition of where you are and what you need. I often note in my sessions to resolve conflict you need to be in your "best self" mindset. I hope sharing my journey helps anyone feeling overwhelmed.
As the parent of a child with special needs, we have unique experiences in my family. Sometimes I feel empathy from others, sometimes I get a blank stare, and other times I get a "I'm here" look. The support I have received from my family and tight knit community has been a lifeline. I begin with gratitude.
I was overwhelmed. Stretched thin. Going, going, going. I had A LOT of life experiences happen. One would happen after the other, for the better part of two years. I am consciously using the term "life experiences" versus problems or issues. I hope others do as well to describe their journeys. It's an odd thing to be happy, grateful, have your "necessity" needs (food, housing, clothing, car, etc.) met, and at the same time not realize or acknowledge you are not meeting your inner needs. I was allowing inner conflict and passively allowing outer conflict to build up without taking steps to deescalate it.
The thing about just going, going, going is that you go until it feels like you got punched in the stomach and can't move. I recall reading what I felt was an unfair email, taking it personally, and acting. It wasn't like me and the reality is I had not been at my best self for such a long time that I lost a bit of how I rationalize and resolve. It was unfair and I reacted unlike myself. Notice there isn't a "but" in that sentence, an "and". It was such a turning point. I stepped up to the plate of acknowledging my actions, my feelings, and owning my power.
I realized that in my moment of vulnerability, I could be empowered or allow another to tell my story. Love is what empowered me to move forward, seize the moment without apologizing, and own my story and power. Now it wasn't an overnight mental switch. I had to really let myself feel. All the feels. The sadness, the hurt, the uncertainty, the exhaustion, and remind myself of the moments that mattered and touched my heart. The moments that were sprinkled in between. If I searched for them, if I remembered those little moments, smiles came to my face and heart. The light sparked.
Planning is key to progress. I wrote down what I had felt, what I was feeling, and the place I wanted to get to for myself and my family. I dug deep. Ego is not your friend. I had to be honest about the things I needed to work on. The things I couldn't blame on someone else and owning where I had misplaced my hurt. Honestly, I had to acknowledge that my frustration and resentment was coming from somewhere. The first step was taking a hard look and acknowledging that where I had accused others of not having positive intent with me, I may have also not asked questions to understand. I may not have heard the concern or kindness if a previous statement had hurt me.
I went back to the fundamentals. Assume positive intent. Ask questions. Use my gifts. Smile. Give others the benefit of having a bad day (just like me). Taking a we position versus they or I position. Identifying what I really needed to nourish my soul again. I took classes. I meditated. I journaled. I was more intentional with my time.
The class I took was specific for women in leadership. It was fantastic. Happy to share the information with anyone! I learned and planned a lot. The biggest take away for me was where I put my time. Did it align with my values? I took it further. Did my diet, exercise, mindset, actions, decisions, sleeping habits (I could go on and on) align with my values. If I say my son is the most important thing in the world to me, dedicate myself 120% to all of his needs, and don't eat healthy or exercise am I am living my values? All of the time I put into providing what he needs and spending intentional time with him will be cut short if I don't get my blood sugar under control. Balance. Intentional and realized balance became key. If I can't keep up with him at the park because I don't stretch or exercise am I living my values? Really deep thinking on cause and effect.
Making better decisions by aligning my values with my thoughts and actions made a difference. A huge difference. Now I mentioned this will most likely be a part 1 so I will leave you with a thought and challenge. "Where in your life do you need to align your values and actions?" Can you imagine the ways this will bring you peace? As you begin to let your light shine through, your inner conflict will begin to dissipate.
The next part is listening to yourself, really listening to identify what is the root cause of your inner conflict. Identifying and naming what that is will let you do the work to move forward. Until next time.
